


The Slow Gain of Equilibrium

by Quillpens



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rey is Not a Palpatine, Tros never happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24296878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quillpens/pseuds/Quillpens
Summary: Set a few months after Crait. The rebels have settled on a new base and they're slowly beginning to heal, but after deciphering the Jedi texts, Rey realizes she's not happy with their contents. In an attempt to keep herself sane as the rebels expect her to be a walking, talking, Force using Magic 8 Ball, she takes matters into her own hands.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Poe Dameron, Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	The Slow Gain of Equilibrium

The first time the bond reconnects after Crait is at one of the most inopportune times. The Resistance has found an old rebel base on a planet with a name Rey could barely pronounce, let alone remember and frankly she doesn’t care; the less she knows the better. The planet’s atmosphere is humid and sticky even in the night, keeping most of what was left of the rebels indoors, but Rey can’t stand the onslaught of fear, anxiety, and soul crushing sadness that randomly rips through the rebels at various times. Because of this, she’s been awake for hours flipping between meditation -which barely helps, and training, and now she needs a bath badly. However, she knew what the Force would do to her if she walked through those bay doors right now; being able to feel everyone’s emotions isn’t the best nowadays.

So here she is with a splitting headache, staring out at the horizon with her dirty clothes and an emergency ration of soap waiting on the edge of the bank, slipping into a deep lake that’s conveniently hidden from the cameras around the base. Ignoring the shiver that slides down her spine as the cool water hit her chest, she crosses her legs in a meditative pose then closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and lets herself sink.

The moment she hits the bottom, she reaches out as Luke had taught her and lets herself simply feel the Force. The life, death, and everything in between that makes up everyone and everything in the galaxy. Despite her pull to it, she doesn’t dwell on anything in particular, it wouldn’t do her any good with the mental state she’s in - so she centers herself, surfacing only when her lungs begin to burn.

Breaking the surface, she pants quietly and, whilst slowly regaining the oxygen in her lungs, she breathes out a small laugh, feeling better than she has since she touched hands with... she stops that thought right there and lets herself float atop the water, relishing in the feeling of rightness again. A few minutes later, she finds the energy to start doing what she came here to do in the first place. She's just finishing up rinsing the soap out of her hair when... “What in the stars are you doing?!”

Rey flails backwards, turning so quickly her spine pops in multiple places. Kylo stands on the edge of the bank, staring at her wide eyed and angry. He’s covered in sweat, dressed in nothing but a pair of black training pants with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He looks absolutely feral and Rey, feeling the onslaught of that fury, fights the urge to take it into herself and scream back in his face. She thought the bond was gone, broken with Snoke’s death and her absence from Ben’s life. Of course the Force would connect them when she’d felt so serene, pain gone if only for a moment.

Actively fighting the urge to roll her eyes at the whole thing including him, she takes a deep breath, makes certain her important bits are covered by the dark water, then turns and regards her bond mate with an unimpressed raised eyebrow. As he opens his mouth to speak again, she looks away, going back to treading water and starting out at nothing. Out of her peripheral vision, she sees him look at the sky and take a deep breath. On the exhale, he speaks calmly “Could you at least tell me why I couldn’t breathe for over three minutes in the middle of sparring with my Knights?”

Kylo had just defeated two of his best soldiers and hardly broken a sweat. The Force flowed through him like a river, raging but giving him a sense of calm for the first time since the throne room-which he refused to acknowledge at this point in time- a power in his blows that was unmatched. Proving himself to his Knights once more that he was worthy to be called their Master. It all came crashing down when another one of them charged forward. As Kylo swung to the right, arm poised to stop the harsh blow that would soon follow should he not block correctly, his vision swam while as chest grew tighter with each breath. His knees buckled and the last thing he heard before he blacked out was the symphony of sabers being extinguished and masks quickly being removed. Immediately upon waking in his quarters found him searching through the void between them, scouring for her signature in the Force. He hadn’t even had the chance to “knock” on her side of the bond before they were thrown together once again.

It took him only a moment to ascertain what had happened, he wasn’t the Master of his Knights for nothing. She’d obviously been meditating beneath the water before bathing and her lack of air, albeit fine on her end, became his downfall. He was going to have a hell of a time explaining this. Though he knew now what had happened, it didn’t stop his angry thoughts from turning into something else entirely. He thanked not only the Force, but every known God in the galaxy that he couldn’t see her body through the water as he found her safe and sound. Fighting down the blush that threatens to overtake his entire being at the thought, he glares at her and screams to cover his embarrassment.

Rey, determined to not look at him any longer than politely necessary, gestures to the water around her with a look on her face that screams, “see for yourself idiot” knowing he would be watching her every move in an attempt to read her. He splutters indignantly, making her fight the urge to smile. To cover it, she hums a non-committal noise and moves back so that she can prop her arms up on the bank, thanking every star that there was no real shallow area in this lake so the water still provided the appropriate amount of cover, though her cleavage was now showing a little bit more than she likes. Mentally shrugging to herself, she finds she’s more than happy to ignore the man and continues to watch the sun slowly rise, content with waiting out this Force session in silence. Sadly, the newly appointed Emperor has other plans.

“Disregarding the fact that you were actively attempting to drown yourself, why are you awake so early? The sun’s obviously barely risen. I understand the need to bathe, but why out in the open like this? Do you even have working freshers wherever your little band of rebels have decided to hide?”

Rey wonders just how much of her side he could see. She could see he was in his quarters, the bed giving it away. Taking a deep breath against her better judgment, she turns to look in his direction. “I can’t be in there. And you shouldn’t be here. Why is the Force still connecting us, Emperor?”

Ben furrows his brow, trying not to let the blow she’d just dealt him show on his face. She’d spit out his title as if it were rotten fruit. He wonders if she’s ever even eaten a piece of fruit before; he doubts it. Giving his head a slight shake and going back to his usual expressionless mask, he makes sure to speak in a softer tone that surprises even him, “You still haven’t learned how to put walls up? It helps. It would save you from all that.”

Rey purses her lips and levels him with a glare. “Save me from you and this Maker damned bond, you mean?”

Kylo heaves a sigh and restrains himself from rolling his eyes. No matter, he won't feed into her game. She’s already almost killed him today, wasn’t that enough? “From having to deal with other people’s thoughts and emotions, Rey. The bond obviously has do with the Force and what it wants, not...not whatever ridiculous lies Snoke fed m...us”, ending the sentence while looking down at his feet, mentally cursing himself for the slip up; This bond with her is a weakness, he knows, and yet...it doesn’t matter to him anymore, not really. 

Rey catches his slip up and, for just a moment, allows herself to feel sorry for the man before her. Sighing silently to herself, she steels her emotions and asks, “How long?”

Kylo looks back up at her, confusion marring his features. “What do you mean?”

“How long was he in your head?” Rey asks, looking anywhere but his face. She can’t bring herself to look at him, but she can feel as he turns away from her. She imagines he’s gazing out of a viewport, staring at the trillions of stars that pass him by. He’s silent for so long she wonders if the bond has faded, but when her curiosity gets the better of her and she looks to see if he’s still there, she could not only see but feel the waves of sadness and pain rolling off him.

“Years. Almost three decades to be exact” he speaks so low that Rey has to strain her hearing to catch it. “Ever since I presented with the Force at the age of three, though I didn’t pay much attention to what I just assumed was a weird voice then. I told my mother, she brushed it off, so I did the same. However, I heard mother talking to H...my father once when I was six, when my powers were becoming greater every day, and she told him that she had felt a dark presence whilst I was still in her womb. I didn’t understand it then, and when I finally could, I thought _I_ was the dark presence my mother felt. Snoke encouraged that thought as it helped manipulate me even more, especially on that night.”

Rey is suddenly bombarded with Ben’s memories of Han and Leia speaking about how they were going to control Ben’s power, the sickening voice of Snoke whispering in his ear every night, feeding him lies of how he would be the next Vader, and then the sight of Luke above him, saber lit and poised to strike, followed closely by the sickening smell of burnt flesh as blue lightning struck what could only be Ben’s skin as Master and Apprentice learn that Luke Skywalker lived.

She swallows down the bile that’s threatening to rise from her throat as the memories stop, remembering the feeling of that lightning all too well and the _stench_! Gathering herself, Rey chances a glance up at Ben who is looking at her with a stare that says much more than what comes out of his mouth. “My apologies. You didn’t need to see that. I will say it’s odd, I’ve never been alone with my thoughts. Now that I am… I’m not quite sure what to do...who to be. I’m top dog of the galaxy, where could I go from here?”

“Ben…” Rey started, but before she could utter another word, the bond ends. The emotions that well up in her at the feeling of being cut off again has her shoving herself back under the water to keep from screaming in frustration. In another part of the galaxy, Kylo growls and punches the wall till his knuckles break. He doesn’t understand what made him open up to her like that. And why should she care? Why did he care so much about her wellbeing? “I suppose it doesn’t matter, does it?” he voices aloud as he calls a healthcare droid to come tend to his broken hand.

An hour later, Rey’s sitting silently next to Leia as the rest of the Resistance trickles into the room, assembling for a meeting; the first since the last battle. Rey thought Leia’s appointing Poe as General is a stupid idea as they all know how bullheaded and reckless the man can be, but she understands. Poe is zealous and loyal to a fault for the cause Leia has spent building her entire adult life. The man can rally the rebels like no other and for that, she can’t fault the ailing woman for wanting someone like she had once been to take her place. Still…

She tries not to let her mind wander as Poe begins to speak. She can only take so many impassioned speeches that repeat the same stories over and over again about how horrible the First Order is. Catching herself before rolling her eyes at Poe’s mention of the Force and how without it none of them would be where they are today thanks to it and their illustrious Jedi, she lets out a bitter laugh under her breath. She isn’t a Jedi, never will be. She stopped pouring over the texts when she finally translated the Jedi code.

“There is no emotion, there is peace.

There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.

There is no passion, there is serenity.

There is no chaos, there is harmony.

There is no death, there is the Force.”

Rey gave an internal scoff at the code she’d been so quick to memorize but now wishes she could forget. Emotions - And there are emotions dammit!- weren’t black and white, dark or light, they’re a jumbled confusing mess and that’s okay. It was what made them different from droids. To live your whole life pushing down every emotion that wasn’t deemed “light” was frowned upon and therefore a path to the dark. _“How stupid”_ she thinks, “ _they became emotionless bastards with sticks up their asses_ ”. She then wonders exactly what the Sith code consisted of since all she’s ever heard about the darkside was what, she assumes, was the first line of the code about passion. “Peace is a lie, there is only passion.” Well if anyone ever asks her, passion, in every way she’s ever heard it, meant something good not something bad. So where did the flip come up? And seriously, no peace? Are they joking? There could be peace, it just had different meanings in both the physical and spiritual sense. Peace is an emotion in and of itself, “ _So why_ ….” Sighing softly, she resolves herself to stop thinking so hard on it and ask Ben next time when - _when_ not if - the force connects them again just exactly what the entirety of the Sith code is. She knows he’s got it memorized.

“Rey? Is everything alright, dear?” Rey is startled out of her reverie by Leia’s voice and with a quick look around the room, finds all eyes on her. “ _Kriiiiif_ ” she thinks while shaking her head and plastering on a smile. “Yes, I’m fine, just tired. I’m sorry I must’ve zoned out, did someone ask me something?” she asked with her voice raised an octave to feign a semblance of innocence.

Leia gives her a look but nods towards Poe. “The General would like to know what the Force has been saying about our chances.”

Suddenly Rey remembers Finn telling her about Han screaming “That’s not how the Force works!” in his face during their supposed rescue mission. She stifles her laugh by clearing her throat, but a quick look over at a smirking Finn confirmed he was thinking the same thing. With that in mind, Rey decides to speak the truth. “The Force only shows us what it wants to show us, when it wants to show it. So, I say until it does show us...me something we should lie low, conserve our resources and recruit when we feel it’s safe enough to do so. For now, it’s just too soon to tell.”

Everyone but Rose, Finn and Leia gave her a nonplussed look and she could feel that they were frustrated with her answer making a sudden hot spark of fury shoot through her. Internally she screams, “ _I’m doing the best I can and I’m hurting just like you are! I’m not some magical being that can see into the future whenever you want me to!_ ” The memory of Luke’s voice echoing through her mind of _“ **Parlor Tricks**_ ”, has her biting back even more rage.

She’s almost opened her mouth to tell them all off when Leia speaks up. “It may be too soon to tell, but you will continue to meditate on the question won’t you, Rey?” Leia asks, giving Rey a pointed look that meant no nonsense. Rey side eyes Leia and nods stiffly, too angry to risk speaking. She wants nothing more than to get up and walk out without a word to any of them. She’s no one’s puppet.

Leia catches the emotion as it crosses Rey’s face, but ignores it for the time being to look out over the crowd, “That’s it then.”

Poe takes that moment to speak up but does so while staring right at Rey as if she’s hiding something. Rey glares right back in challenge and he looks away. She doesn’t know whether to feel guilty or victorious. “Alright. Well for now let’s see if we can get some of those old ships running and someone try to contact Chewie and see if he’s been able to find us any allies. I know our tech isn’t the greatest, but we have to try everything we can.”

As the rebels get up and file out to their designated stations, Rey feels a warm hand on her arm, keeping her in place. “I saw that look and felt your rage. What’s wrong, Rey? Talk to me.”

Rey feels a wave of dread and looks to Leia, staring into her eyes only to find that her son takes after her in that regard; she wants to run from the conversation before it even starts. Rey looks to the door, waving to Finn and Rose to go on without her. When it shuts, Rey closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. On the exhale, Rey lets the dam that had been cracking since the moment she’d stepped into Snoke’s escape pod finally break.

She hangs her head and speaks quietly while pacing, “I’m exhausted Leia. I can feel every single strong emotion every person on this base is feeling at any given time; constant waves of sadness, fear, pain, fatigue… I feel like I’m drowning, always. I’ve slept maybe three hours a night since we landed on this planet and no matter how hard I train, how long I meditate, it doesn’t matter. I have a never ending headache and stars forbid I don’t have an answer when someone asks me something about the Force. Poe isn’t the only one. Everyone in here, excluding you, Rose and Finn looked and felt frustrated with me just now. I don’t know anything about this! I’m doing this by myself! I had less than a week of training with Luke! I have no idea what I’m doing and this power scares me! I’m absolutely terrified! Every day I get stronger emotionally, the Force gets stronger in me, both light and dark! And the only one I can talk to about any of this and get ANY help at all, the one person who is my equal in the Force and could teach me ANYTHING about who am I and what my place is in ALL of this is Ben and he’s...he’s....” Halfway to yelling at this point, tears slowly falling down her cheeks, she realizes what she said and to whom. She stops dead in her tracks.

Spinning on her heel to apologize to Leia, she gasps under her breath at the look on Leia’s face. A sad smile had broken the older woman’s serious expression and tears fill her eyes as she regards the young woman in front of her. “You called him Ben. You know him. You know my son.” 

~

Kylo dismisses his Knights and highest ranking officers from his office, rubbing at his temples the moment they’re out of sight. He’d had to feign an ill-timed Force vision had caused his slip earlier in the day and of course they’d wanted details. He’d told them he couldn’t remember as it had felt like he was drowning, seeing nothing but Master Snoke’s smiling face; they didn’t press for more, Kylo felt their collective shiver as it shot up their spines. He had to stop himself from doing the same as the lie brought the offending image to the forefront of his mind. The only one that didn’t seem appeased by his explanation was Hux because of course he didn’t. The insufferable man had immediately thought Snoke was trying to reach them through the use of Kylo’s mind and called for the Emperor to meditate to try and open up a channel to their late Supreme Leader. Kylo contemplated beheading the idiotic ginger on the spot, but instead choked the man with a flick of his wrist till he turned blue and collapsed. He expected some type of fear or anger to emanate from his officers at his outburst but was pleased to find nothing but amusement at Hux’s expense. As two troopers dragged the unconscious man down hall instead of carrying him between them, Kylo was sure that once he found the appropriate replacement, his staff would cheer as the Emperor himself through the bastard out of the nearest garbage chute.

Smiling a little to himself at the thought, Kylo turns off his holopad and makes for his quarters. It may be early in the evening, but he’s had a trying day, no one would dare chide him for taking the rest of the day off. Once he’s scrubbed the days activities from his body and changed into his most worn and comfortable clothes, he settles into his favorite chair, determined to get some reading done. He pulls the book he’d started the night before off the side table and dons his glasses, feeling content in his choice. However, ten minutes later finds him not paying attention to one word. He’s certain he’s read the last sentence in that paragraph a handful times but it’s not sticking in the slightest. Sighing, he removes his glasses and sets them on the arm of the chair, leaning his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “ _Maybe I **should** meditate, it’s been weeks. And not because that greasy rat Hux wants me to_” he thinks, unconsciously flexing his fingers at wanting to choke the man again. Standing up and stretching, he revels in the feeling before settling down on the floor, leaning against the chair for support. He takes a deep breath, lets it out slow and reaches for his oldest and dearest friend.

Rey had just shut off the lights in her room and lay down, praying to anyone that would listen to take her headache away so she could get some proper rest when all sound around her stops. “Twice in one day? That’s new” she speaks aloud, picking her head up off her pillow and glancing around for him. As soon as she spots him, she’s never been more thankful to have her own room. In her part of the bond, illuminated by the moonlight streaming in through her window, he sits on the floor, leaning up against the side of her bed in a meditative pose, more relaxed than she’s ever seen him. Since he’d made no move to indicate he’d heard her, she surmised he was deep in the Force. Before she could think of what she was doing she was moving as quietly as she could, quickly making her way off the bed to sit in front of him. “ _Well.. it can’t hurt, can it?_ ” she thinks to herself, assuming the position and joining him in meditation.

Kylo tamps down a jolt of surprise as he feels Rey’s Force signature intertwine seamlessly with his. Thankfully, he hadn’t been praying to anyone or asking for guidance as he often does when he meditates. Instead, he’s simply been floating, letting the Force take him away from everything, just for a little while so that he didn’t have to think anymore. The Force must have connected them and Rey, recognizing it for what it was, did the same - effectively bringing him a sense of serenity he hasn’t felt since the first time his uncle taught him to feel the Force. He felt her acknowledge him just for a moment, then they simply...were.

When they finally come back to themselves, they open their eyes at the same moment, Rey is smiling while Kylo simply gives a slight to tilt his head. “Why did you do that?” he asks shyly.

“I don’t know. The bond connected us while you were meditating, and I wondered if…” she trails off as she realizes for the first time in days she isn’t in any pain. Her wounds from Snoke’s guards save for her arm wound, her sore muscles, her headache...every bit of agony is gone. Kylo watches her eyes go wide while she starts pushing at random places on her arms, her legs, placing her right palm on her forehead as if checking for a fever, then just as he’s about to ask just what she’s doing, she giggles like a youngling, making his heart skip a beat.

To cover it, he clears his throat, “Forgive me, but what are you doing?”

Rey, still smiling, turns to him like she’s shocked he’s still there. “Sorry! Sorry! It’s nothing, my headache is just gone. It’s gone! I’m not in pain… anywhere! Is that you?! Did you take my pain away?”

He’s momentarily struck dumb by how happy she sounds. If he had truly taken her pain away, would she really be this thrilled with him? Her giddiness at the situation makes him take stock of his own body. He’s used to feeling the slightly painful pull of the scars on his back, sore muscles from overtraining on too little rest, the ever present ache in his side from Chewie’s crossbow, the scar Rey herself had given him. It was now his turn to get a wide eyed look. His pain was gone. “That wasn’t me.”

In less than a second, Rey’s facial expression went from pure glee to astonishment. “You’re telling me the Force healed us?!” she whisper yells.

Kylo reaches behind his back and runs his hand beneath his shirt to feel his scars. They’re still there, the raised welts he’s sure he’ll never be rid of, but they no longer hurt. “Not completely, we’ve still got scars, but it seems that the pain they caused is gone for now. I’m not sure why, but I’m certainly not going to complain.”

Rey lets out a happy sounding sigh and says, “Neither am I” then with a soft giggle she adds, “We should do that every time after we train. I’d never have to listen to Poe’s dirty jokes while I limp around the base ever again.”

Kylo scoffs and shakes his head, muttering under his breath, “What a nerfherder.”

Rey smirks at her darkside dwelling counterpart. “I heard that! Though I agree, he can be a bit...hard to get along with” she says with a hint of contempt in her voice as she thought of how he’d put her on the spot at the meeting earlier. Speaking of that, “Ben?”

Kylo raised his eyebrows at her in acknowledgement. _“One moment I’m the horrible monster Emperor Ren and the next I’m back to being Ben to you. For Maker’s sake, pick one woman! Do you want me or not?!”_ he grimaces slightly and prays he didn’t broadcast that particular thought to Rey’s side, but when she gives no indication that she’d heard, he figures he’s in the clear. “What’s the Sith code?” Rey asks, a slight blush rising to color her cheeks. 

Kylo’s brain froze. Unblinking and barely breathing, he stammers out “W..why...why do you want to know?”

Rey makes a sound he can’t quite place so he stares at her while she nervously begins twiddling her fingers and he notes that she won’t look him in the eye. “I’m having a problem and I think I need to know both codes so that I can...figure it out?”

Kylo barely holds back a snort. “What kind of problem would you be having that you believe the Sith code holds the answers you seek?”

Rey sighs and looks away from him and out her window. She knows he’s going to find out eventually, whether she wants him to or not so she steels herself and looks him in the eye when she says, “I don’t agree with the Jedi code and I thought... maybe if I knew the Sith code, I’d understand why the Jedi code bothers me so much.”

Kylo, for all he knows about Rey, feels scandalized. “ _What does she mean she doesn’t agree with the Jedi code? She’s a poster child for the Jedi code! She’s a Jedi! What is going on?!”_ He unwillingly stammers again as he gets his thoughts back in order enough to speak. With a deep breath, he centers himself and stares at her. “Before I tell you, you have to promise me you won’t go looking too far into it without my assistance.”

Rey senses his unease about the situation and nods, thinking of that horrible lake on Ahch-To. She refuses to repeat that mistake. “I promise.”

The sincerity in her voice is what makes up his mind and he looks around for a moment. “I’m not sure how much longer the bond will last. Do you have anything to write it down on?”

Rey nods and stands up, quickly going over to her desk and grabbing a small notepad and a pencil she’d set next to her holopad earlier. Turning around, she has to fight a small smile. Looking at him from this angle, it would be the only time she was taller than him. Pushing that though away, she sighs. “Ready” she whispers. With a curt nod, he begins.

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion.

Through passion, I gain strength.

Through strength, I gain power.

Through power, I gain victory.

Through victory, my chains are broken.

The Force shall free me.”

Kylo had closed his eyes and recited the code with a resonance that sent a shiver careening down Rey’s spine as she wrote furiously. When he’s finished, he opens his eyes and Rey swears he’s peering into her very soul. Praying that he hadn’t felt whatever emotion was attached to that shiver, she gives him a small smile. “Thank you, Ben.”

He said nothing in response, but his sudden borderline devilish grin was all she needed to see to know that he’d indeed felt her reaction. Before she can explain herself however, the bond fizzles out. Cheeks flushed with embarrassment, she sets the paper and pencil down on her desk and flops face first onto her bed. “What just happened?!” she groans into her pillows.

Kylo, still smiling as his surroundings come back into view, lets out a laugh. “You’re welcome.” 

The next morning comes too soon for Rey’s liking. It’s barely dawn and she’s so angry about being awake that she punches her pillow. “My head finally stops hurting long enough for me to get some sleep and what does my body do? Get me up TOO KRIFFING EARLY! Damn human needs!” she yells into the silence in her room. Throwing her blankets off and standing up, she barely makes it three steps towards her fresher before an all too familiar ache starts in her lower stomach. Letting out a small squeak, she runs to the fresher only to find her nightdress, underwear and thighs already coated in red sticky blood. Glaring at the soiled clothes, she cleans up as best she can and gets into the shower, shoving her clothes in with her so that she can scrub them while she’s in there.

Thirty minutes later and she’s back in bed, donned in a pair of sleep shorts and a tank top she’d borrowed from Rose, her sheets and nightclothes hanging up in the fresher. Thankfully, due to the hot climate outside the base, she doesn’t need those blankets at the moment, instead finding solace in the cool temperature of the old feather mattress topper to soothe her. Just as she’s drifting back to sleep, a soft knock sounds at her door. “Rey? Are you awake?”

Instead of getting up, Rey unlocks the door with the Force and lets it swing open by itself. “ _Old buildings have their advantages_ ” she thinks as she watches Rose poke her head in. “Oh, thank goodness, I’m not alone in this nonsense. I brought caf and protein bars and I have a few pain reducing tablets if you’d like one.”

Rey lets out a small sound as the movement to sit up shoots a spark of pain through her stomach. “Not alone?” Rey mumbles out while Rose, perfectly balancing the food in her arms, gently kicks the door shut and locks it behind her, moving expertly to set her things on the desk.

“You can’t hide that look from me I know what’s wrong. I’m on my moon time as well. I was coming to ask if you wouldn’t mind me hiding out in here for the day while you trained like you normally do, but it doesn’t look like you’re going anywhere either. Want some company?”

Rey smiles and nods, scooting over on the bed while noticing Rose’s choice in attire was almost identical to hers, save for a light black jacket. “Of course. Does Leia..k….know we’re not going to be in the shipyard today?” she asks through a sudden yawn. “And what’s with your jacket? The base is getting warmer by the minute.”

Rose smiles and hands Rey her cup of caf. “I’m sure Leia will understand when you don’t show up. She took one look at me and told me to get some food and go back to bed. Connix and Ramir are the same way today so I think we all accidentally synched. My jacket is because I didn’t feel like wrapping my chest just to go get food from the Mess Hall when only a few of the boys are awake. Now that I’m in here, I can take it off.”

That was an idea Rey had never thought of! Now she certainly wasn’t going to binding her chest anymore if she didn’t have to. Regular meals and nutritional mixtures that had been all but shoved down her throat from the medical team had not only regulated her moon time, but also made her grow an inch so far along with adding a bit of weight in places she’d never thought of gaining weight before; her chest being the most noticeable and sore of those on the list. Training was one thing, but she despised binding just to go to a meeting. Filing that information away for later, Rey lets out a soft snort and smiles. “Of course, we synched. We were stuck on the Falcon together, literally on top of each other at times for almost two whole weeks and were together for a bit before that.”

Rose rolls her eyes good naturedly and throws her jacket over the back of Rey’s desk chair before getting comfortable on the bed with her caf. “The joys of being a woman, I’m tellin ya.”

Rey clinks her cup with Rose’s in a silent agreement making Rose laugh.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Rey feels a sort of sadness creeping up on her, but quickly surmises that it’s not her own. “Rose? You okay?”

Rose half-smiles, but quickly lets it drop. “Just tired, I think. No… I know I’m tired. Tired of running, tired of fighting, tired of being paranoid and keeping an eye out over my shoulder, tired of the nightmares! I’m tired, Rey.”

Rey could more than relate. “I understand completely. It’s exhausting.”

Rose hums in agreement. “I wonder what would happen if we just stayed here. We haven’t seen any sign of the First Order since we landed and next week marks three months. Granted we haven’t been able to leave the planet, but… I don’t know, why would they just suddenly stop looking for us?”

Rey makes an inquisitive sound to let Rose know she’s listening though she makes a mental note to ask Ben later. “I don’t know. Maybe there isn’t enough of us to worry about anymore? They’ve got to know we’re barely limping by. Maybe we’re just not worth the trouble anymore”, ripping open a particularly dry protein bar.

Rose gives Rey another half-smile and nods. “Maybe, but does that mean we give up? Stop looking for people that want to rebel? Let the First Order win? Then what happens to us? We’ve been in this fight so long, to give up now is just unthinkable. And where would we even go? Most of us don’t even have family left, no home planet to return to, no friends outside the Resistance… what would we do?”

Rey finishes off her bar and does her best to push down Rose’s wave of anxiety before it affects her as well. “I don’t know, Rose.”

Rose gives her a look like that wasn’t good enough. “What do you think of the whole thing? Should we give up?”

Rey shrugs, but Rose gently shoves her arm. “Talk to me, Rey.”

Rey sighs and sets her caf on the bedside table, giving her time to gather her thoughts. “To be honest, Rose. I haven’t even been in the Resistance for a year, whereas this is all someone like Poe has ever known and he’s not the only one here who’s been fighting since he was a kid. It would be much, much harder to convince them that peace means no more fighting. But someone like me, who’s done nothing but survive? I could completely restart somewhere with absolutely nothing because I’ve done it before. I’m one of the most widely known individuals in the galaxy and I could rearrange someone’s thoughts for however long I wanted, turning myself into a complete stranger to anyone that crossed my path making it ridiculously easy for me to disappear. I knew about the war, but it never reached Jakku so I never had to worry about it, now I’m the poster child for the Resistance and I still haven’t gotten used to it. I’d hate to leave you and Finn though.”

At that she glances at Rose, the mixture of hurt and worry on the girl’s face was so clear, Rey hurries up to ease her friends’ distress lest she start crying. “You and Finn are my first real friends and I will not leave you high and dry like that. Whatever happens, you’re stuck with me. Even if that means us living together for a while after this is over.”

Rey smiles and gently knocks shoulders with Rose who smiles again. The subject drops after that and, after a bit of gossip about Poe and Connix possibly dating, the girls take Leia’s advice and go back to sleep.

On the other side of the galaxy Kylo was this close... _this close_ to throwing Hux out with garbage, viable replacement or not. The little bastard had attempted to restart the Stormtrooper training program behind his back. He obviously didn’t account for the fact that Kylo’s knights would inform him of Hux’s wrongdoings; almost like he wanted to be caught. Like he enjoyed being in pain and humiliated in front of his colleagues. Remembering how Hux would act during a raid, standing on the bridge and staring out of the viewports practically salivating at all of the death and destruction his projects wrought, Kylo was certain that he enjoyed his punishments. Ignoring his involuntary shiver of disgust at the thought, he makes up his mind. “I’m throwing him out as soon as possible. He had better make a decent effort to overthrow me because his next slip up will be his last.”

He has just signed a document for all of the stormtroopers under the age of twelve to be removed from training and returned to their home planets with information on their birth parents (should they still be in existence) when the sound went out in the room. Groaning under his breath, he sighs out, “Not now, I’ve got a meeting in ten minutes!” Yet the sight that greets him is enough to quell his irritation and bring a small smile to his face.

Rey is curled up in her bed, using her arms as a pillow, snuggled up tight next to one of her female friends. He could smell the soap she’d used in the fresher mix with the caf on the side table and feel the warmth from the sunlight invading the room. Taking a deep breath, he suddenly feels as if he too could fall asleep and take an afternoon nap. Just as he releases the breath he’d been holding in to not lose the moment, the bond breaks and he’s back in his office. Checking the time and finding he has just enough to get to his meeting, he smiles again and sends a silent prayer of thanks to the Force for allowing him to check on Rey and calm his nerves simultaneously. Feeling refreshed, he double checks to made sure he has everything in order then strides out of the room, head held high.

Waking up slowly, Rey groans at the heavy feeling in her head and stomach. While she’s glad that her cycle is regular for once in her life, she hates how it makes her feel like she’s sick. Slowly detangling herself from a softly snoring Rose, she goes to the fresher to wash her face then decides to go down to the Mess Hall and at least say hi to Finn. Judging by the sun’s position it was nearing lunch time anyway. Writing out a note for Rose and setting it on the bedside table, she grabs Rose’s jacket, finger brushes her hair and, after shoving her feet into her boots that she doesn’t even bother to lace, makes her way down the corridor. She isn’t halfway there before BB-8 rolls up to her and begins chattering away. “I’m fine, BB. I’m not sick. Well...not really anyway. Have you seen Finn?” The small droid beeps in the affirmative and quickly rolls off towards the mess hall. Shaking her head, she follows him until she spots Finn on the far side of the hall, picking forlornly at the food on his tray. She thanks BB then walks slowly up behind Finn, pointedly ignoring the stares she was getting that she’s almost certain is related to her current attire and puts her hand over Finn’s eyes. “Guess who?!” she speaks loudly right in Finn’s ear. Almost immediately Rey feels the change in his mood.

“What the...Rey!” Finn cries out happily, pulling her hand from his face. He turns to look at her, beaming. “Leia said you weren’t feeling good when I asked her if she’d seen you, so I left you alone, are you okay?”

Rey chuckles and sits down, bumping shoulders with him. “I’ll be fine. What was that sad face for before I got over here?”

Finn’s smile dropped a little at that. “I went to see if Rose was okay since she didn’t show up to the shipyard this morning, but no matter how much I knocked, she ignored me. I think I upset her.”

Rey fights the urge to laugh at Finn’s now distraught facial expression. The poor boy was gone on Rose and he didn’t even know it yet. He’d told her about his and Rose’s “I thought I was going to die” kiss while Rose was still recovering from her battle wounds and while Rey was thrilled for them, she was terrified of being third wheeled or worse, losing her best friend. Finn, ever the observer, had picked up on Rey’s fear as she had started to pull back from him once Rose had woken up and he quickly confronted her on it. He’d more than assured her that she had nothing to worry about and that she and Rose were very alike. It took a little convincing and a few awkward talks between the girls for them to get comfortable with one another, but not long after that they’d struck up a friendship that now equaled what she had with Finn. Rey couldn’t be happier to have both of them in her life.

“Don’t you worry there, Bigshot. Rose has been in my room with me since early this morning. She’s in the same predicament I am. She’s asleep right now, but I left her a note telling her where I’d be if she wakes up before I get back. We’ll be back beneath those old clunkers tomorrow. Today… we just needed to.... take a day.” She takes a quick look around the room and sees that she is indeed the only woman there. She grimaces and shakes her head-the first day was always miserable, always. She didn’t blame the girls for staying in their beds. Honestly, she’s surprised that Leia let them all do that. Mentally shrugging to herself, she turns back to Finn and asks him how his day was so far without the girls.

Finn seemed surprised by her question and looks around. “Wait…there _aren’t_ any girls in here but you! Where did they all go?!”

Rey has to fight another laugh. “In their beds probably. Leia gave us the day off” she answered nonchalantly making Finn’s eyes bug out of his head. “The day off? The whole day? All of you? Why?”

Rey snorts and smirks sardonically. “Because the galaxy thought it would be funny to have our moon time cycles synch so we’re all in pain and tired and grouchy and hungry and a million other things that we don’t want to deal with so Leia let us all go for the day. Although I’m sure a few of the nurses are still in the med b- what? Why do you look so confused?” she asks as she picks up Finn’s cup of water and takes a few sips.

“What does “synched” mean? Are you all sick at the same time?” Finn asks innocently, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Rey almost spits out the water in her mouth. “ _Oh boy_ …” she thinks to herself and swallows hard. “Yeah Finn, something like that. It’s our...uh...our moon time.”

Finn adds a head tilt to his confused expression. “Your what?”

Rey doesn’t stop the laugh this time. “Our moon time. Our bleeding, Finn. You’re telling me they don’t teach reproductive health in trooper training?” she teased.

Finn blushes and shakes his head. “Oh. Oh that. I mean they do, but we’re split up and we only go over it once. We had to all have been about twelve or so. The girls have their side, we have ours and they’re in another room, cut off so we can’t hear. We don’t really learn about each other except that women bleed, how to have sex, how children are made from sex, and that our implants give us the freedom to have sex without making a baby. That’s literally it. We take a test to make sure we understand the material, get our lifetime birth control implants and off we go. Takes less than a day. I didn’t know women’s bleeding times could be at the same time though. That’s weird.”

Rey nods in the affirmative and makes another mental note to Ben. She understands giving vague details to children, but once they’re older the boys really should learn about moon time more in depth. But really, she had no room to talk. The first time she’d gotten her cycle she was young, around nine if her calculations were correct. She’d been standing in line at Plutt’s, praying to whomever was listening that she’d get something, anything at all to eat and drink from the crolute; her whole back and tummy had been hurting really badly all day, but she’d chalked it up to not having eaten in three days. She was third in line when she felt an odd sensation making its way down her legs. She’d dealt with all sorts of little creatures that lived in the vast ocean of sand, but she’d never felt them crawl _down_ her legs before. Looking at her pants and seeing the blood, she just remembered staring at it for a moment in awe before she realized it was coming from her nether regions... then all hell broke loose.

She remembered her vision going blurry from tearing up and cried out for someone to help her. One of Plutt’s cronies that regularly patrolled the area around the crolute’s stall threw one very disgusted look at Rey, grabbed her arm, and pulled her over to a tent that had an elderly woman sitting at a makeshift desk. He pitched Rey to the ground at the woman’s feet, dislocating Rey’s shoulder in the process, and told the woman to “clean the brat up”. Between the pain from her shoulder and the pain from being thrown to the ground so hard, she cried till she threw up bile. Things were fuzzy after that, she assumes she blacked out, but when she woke up, she was clean, her shoulder didn’t hurt anymore, and while the old lady fed her, she told her EVERYTHING. About moon time, implants, puberty, and pregnancy. About what to expect before, during and after, about boys and men and how they would see her now, how to fight an infection if she got one and what herbs to buy should the unthinkable happen. It was the first time Rey ever felt like she’d had a mother, but due to the information overload she’d had to memorize, she never thought ask the woman’s name, nor thank her, and she died a few days later. It was one of Rey’s greatest regrets.

Rey had just shaken herself from her thoughts to see Finn staring at her with concern. “Rey? You okay? I thought I lost you there for a minute.”

Rey sighs under her breath and shakes her head, she couldn’t let him know. “No, no I’m sorry. Just...a sore subject. Literally. Growing up alone in Jakku and dealing with all of that was...” she trails off and hopes Finn understands. No need to bring up the past, there was only misery there. “It doesn’t matter. I’m here now. And I’m glad at least you know a little bit about this time of the month for us.”

Finn smiles and hugs her close. “Yes you are, Peanut and yeah me too; learn somethin’ new every day! And hey… seriously...if you ever wanna talk about stuff like that, I’m here for you. I know you don’t like to because it’s painful but talking does help. I’ve gotta get back to work on those ships, but I’ll come see you and Rose after dinner, okay? Go get some sleep.”

Rey hugs him back and smiles, promising that she would and that she and Rose would see him later. Just as she gets up from the table, Poe was standing in front of her with his arm around Kaydel who wearing a sheer, baggy t shirt, shorts shorter than Rey’s and a pair of sandals. Her hair looked like she’d just rolled out of bed and there were black circles beneath her eyes. It looked like Rose’s gossip about Kaydel and Poe earlier was truth! Rey couldn’t wait to tell her! “Hey Rey, I’m glad you’re here, I didn’t want to bother you in your room. Leia wants to see you, she’s in her quarters” Poe says while smiling, looking Rey up and down almost suggestively.

Rey nods and wants nothing more than to flip him off. Instead, she looks over and gives Kaydel a sympathetic look. “You feelin’ okay, Kaydel?”

Kaydel gave Rey a fake smile and a thumbs up with both hands. “Absolutely peachy, Rey!” Rey raises her eyebrows then sighs and rolls her eyes, walking off toward Leia’s quarters as Poe and Finn turn to narrow their eyes at Kaydel for her unneeded attitude.

Leaving the boys to their scolding, Rey quickly makes her way through the halls. She had only just raised her fist to knock on Leia’s door when she heard the older woman call through the door. “Come on in, Rey!”

Rey smiles and walks in to see Leia sitting at her table, pouring something into a mug. “Lock the door behind you please dear? And before you ask, I saw the shadow of your feet beneath the door. Would you like some ginger tea?”

Taking the seat opposite of Leia, Rey tilts her head slightly at the question, taking in the scent. The tea sure smells delicious so she’s sure it tastes the same. “I’ve never had it. Is it good?”

Leia simply smiles and crosses the room to her kitchenette to grab another mug off of the drying rack by the sink. “I certainly enjoy it, but you’ll have to try it and let me know what you think.”

Rey nods and waits in comfortable silence for Leia to finish and sit down. Once she does, Rey blows on the hot liquid then took a small sip and was pleasantly surprised by the biting, yet comforting flavor of the tea; even that small sip relaxed her. The older woman must have seen the look on Rey’s face because she laughed softly. “I feel the same way when I drink it. I’m glad you like it. Are you okay? You seem far better off than Kaydel and Rose were this morning.”

Rey nodded and took another quick sip before setting her mug down gently. “I woke up in a bit of pain, but I’m alright now that I’ve gotten some food and slept. Thank you for your concern...Did you need me for something?”

At this, Leia’s face turned serious. “Yes, actually. I... I’m not sure how to bring this up so I’m going to get right to it, I saw your vision earlier. Or memory I should say. About your first….” she stops and takes in Rey’s facial expression. The poor girl looks absolutely mortified; her face ashen. “Oh Rey, it’s alright dear. I know you had a hard upbringing. I’m not sure how I was able to see it myself as I’m not strong in the Force but just know that I am so deeply sorry that you had to go through such a terrible ordeal.”

To say the least, Rey was stricken. Are her thoughts ever going to be her own again? Why would the Force show Leia Rey’s memories? Between the bond with Ben and now this with Leia, she was starting to feel like every bit of her privacy is being invaded regularly; she tries not to be angry about it. After a deep cleansing breath, she decides to look on the bright side and finds herself somewhat glad she won’t have to explain it.

“I don’t know what to say” Rey says quietly, meeting Leia’s eyes.

At that, Leia smiles again. “You don’t have to say anything at all, dear. I just wanted you to know that I saw it and I thought you might want to talk about it and even if you don’t, well that’s okay too.”

Rey smiles and shakes her head no. “Thank you, Leia, but I think what you saw is enough. I know my past shaped me into who I am today, and yes it was excruciating at times, but I’m not in Jakku anymore.”

Leia chuckles then sips at her tea. “You make an exceptionally good point, so I won’t press. Now if you’ll do me a favor and go sit in front of that mirror” she says, pointing through the open door leading into her bedroom, “Feel free to take your tea with you.”

Rey is taken aback for a moment at such a sudden and odd request, but picks up her tea, sips just enough to lower the liquid so that it won’t spill while she moves, then walks into Leia’s room to sit at the vanity. She looks at herself in the mirror and lets out a bark of a laugh, she really does look like a desert rat. Her hair is frizzy, her tan lines are all over the place from training in the sunshine so often in various outfits and her nose and forehead are still peeling slightly from the sunburn she’d gotten the week before. Snorting under her breath, she watches Leia through the mirror as the older woman grabs a brush, a few hair ties, and a medium sized black box. 

Rey tilts her head in confusion to which Leia just smirks. “Don’t ask, you’ll see” she says while she began to part and brush out sections of Rey’s hair. While she works, she hums a song Rey doesn’t recognize, but calms her on a level she’s never felt outside of meditation. Rey lets herself get lost in the feeling and sips her tea.

Sometime later, Rey feels a gentle tap on her shoulder, bringing her out of her relaxed trance like state. “What do you think?” Rey, only now realizing she’d closed her eyes, looks into the mirror and her jaw drops.

“Good Maker….” she asks incredulously. “How did you do that?” For the first time in her life, Rey’s hair is in braids and pinned up beautifully. She still had a few small flyaway hairs, but instead of looking messy, they gave her hair texture.

“Lots of practice.” Leia laughs as she moves to open the box off to the side of the vanity. “Close your eyes again.”

Rey does as she was told and soon feels something heavy being placed on her head, then feels something cold and pleasantly heavy around her neck. “Alright. Go ahead.”

Rey swallows the sudden feeling of nervousness that had crept up on her and opens her eyes again only to gasp loudly at the sight that greets her. The tiara atop her head is absolutely beautiful, silver and adorned in red jewels of various sizes. The necklace was much simpler, a silver chain with a simple teardrop garnet pendant that sat perfectly above her cleavage line.

Leia was positively beaming while Rey’s mind reeled. “Oh, I knew it would suit you perfectly! Now if I could get you into a dress, that would really be something!”

Rey can’t believe her eyes. She doesn’t look like herself at all. In a voice that doesn’t sound like her own, she turns her head slightly to address Leia who hadn’t moved from behind her. “I wouldn’t mind, honestly. I’d… I’d like to see it.”

Now it was Leia’s turn to look shocked. Without another word, the older woman spins on her heel, beaming as she walks over to her closet, pulling out a dress like she’d gotten it out and ready just for this occasion. For all Rey knew, that’s exactly what she’d done. Rey stares at herself while Leia gets the dress off of the hanger, if she were wearing makeup, she wouldn’t think that was her reflection at all. “Alright, not to alarm you but this dress was meant to be worn without chest bindings, so you’ll have to remove them” Leia calls over.

Rey looks down at her chest and blushes. She’d completely forgotten about the jacket she was wearing. “I’m uh...not wearing any. I was too sore earlier to bother.”

Leia gives her a knowing smile. “I’ve been there more times than I can count. The jacket was a good idea.” Rey laughs internally at that and vows to tell Rose about it later. Getting up from the chair and taking in the sight of the dress, it’s unlike anything she’d ever seen. The top is black and as it nears the bottom, fades into a shade of red that matches the jewelry she has on with one small bit of fabric over her left shoulder that’s absolutely covered in shining diamonds. Leia waves her over and Rey can feel her mix of giddiness and excitement about getting her to try on this dress; it was contagious. Rey lets out a giggle as she goes over to where Leia is waiting and starts to strip down. “Put your back to the mirror and when I’m done, we’ll spin you around.”

Rey did so without complaint and when Leia gave her permission to turn around, Rey could have cried. “Stars… is that me?” Rey asks Leia without taking her eyes off of herself in the mirror. _“Is this what he sees when he looks at me? When he thinks of our future? Is this what he saw?”_ she wonders, the soft, silky fabric flowing around her as she can’t resist a small twirl to look at herself from every angle.

Leia nods and grins. “Of course, it’s you, Rey! The dress is a little too big in the bodice, but that’s an easy enough fix. You look just like a -” “Princess”, “Empress” Leia had aloud, while Rey had spoken under her breath, but they heard each other all the same. Leia gives Rey _that_ look again before letting out a small sigh.

They stood in silence for a few moments, Rey still in awe with herself before Leia spoke up. “I know I didn’t pry yesterday, but… you don’t speak up at meetings that call for his death, you call him by his given name which I’m still not sure how you found out, you say you need his help to find your place in the galaxy, you had the face of someone that had her heart ripped out when you shut the door that day on the Falcon, and now you see yourself dressed up and call yourself Empress…So tell me please... what exactly happened on Snoke’s ship?”

No sooner were the words out of Leia’s mouth, that the sound left the room and Rey heard a two very distinct gasps fill the room. “Rey” “Ben!”

Rey let out a groan. “Bad timing, bad, bad timing, horribly bad timing” Rey chanted in a whisper to herself.

Not looking away from the mirror, Rey saw Leia staring at her son like he’d suddenly become a Twi’lek and Kylo was staring at Rey, jaw dropped, with a light blush high on his cheeks. The bond must have caught him right at the end of a meeting as he was in his normal attire, sans his cloak and helmet. Rey turned and spoke, hoping she wasn’t blushing nearly as much as he was. “Ben, your mother is here with me. Can you see her?”

Rey watches him shake his head, still not taking his eyes off of her, like he’s scared to blink, fearing it’s not real. “No. All I can see is you. Where on earth did you get that dress? You look absolutely beautiful” he asks in reverence.

With her face blushing scarlet and her heart now racing, she takes a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Stars above” she thinks as she tears her eyes away from Ben and addresses Leia. “He can’t see you so I doubt he can hear you either. But you can see him, right?”

Leia, not taking her eyes off her son, nods, obviously in a state of shock. “I can hear him, too. What is this?”

Rey attempts to take another calming breath, her anxiety threatening to bring her to tears. “Ben… she can see and hear you. She deserves to know what happened that night... May I tell her?”

Rey watches as Ben clenches his hands into fists and closes his eyes. She gives him the moment he needs and doesn’t push. She understands all too well why he’s upset about it. The bond is special, it’s private, it’s theirs. A gift from the Force itself. She feels him intertwine his mind with hers and he whispers “yes”. He opens his eyes and gives her a slow onceover making Rey shiver. When he looks back to her eyes, he steels himself and nods curtly.

“She can hear me?” he asks. Rey nods in the affirmative and Ben lets out a shaky sigh. “Then we’ll tell her together. If the bond ends before we’re done, I trust you to tell her the rest.” Rey has no problem deciphering his meaning, tell her only the most important details, everything else is for them only.

They start from Ahch-to and finish on Crait. It takes over an hour to explain, the longest the bond has ever stayed open. Both Leia and Ben are equally shocked when Rey admits to literally fighting with Luke after Ben told her the story of Luke’s betrayal. The only time they had to stop for a bit was when it came time to explain the moments after Snoke’s death.

“I went to leave and called my saber to me, Ben caught it with the Force and... well... that’s how it broke. He wanted the saber for himself, as it was originally his grandfather’s and then Luke’s, but it calls to me. I couldn’t just let him take it.”

Leia flounders for a moment for what to say when Ben scoffs and crosses his arms. “I didn’t want the stupid saber, Rey.”

Rey furrows her brows at him and scoffs back, “What are you talking about? That’s what you said! That it was rightfully yours!”

“It _is_ rightfully mine, but that’s not why I caught it before you could get it!” he all but yells back, before suddenly finding his boots to be extremely interesting and refusing to look her in the eye.

A clearing of a throat reminded the two that they weren’t alone. Leia directed a pointed glance at Rey, telling her what Ben wouldn’t. He hadn’t been trying to take the saber, he’d been trying to get her to stay.

Rey made a sound in the back of her throat and looked away, back to herself in the mirror. Tears spring into her eyes, but she quickly blinks them away and takes a breath. “The rest of the story you already know. Chewie picked me up and I found all of you and got you out of that base. Now he’s Emperor and I’m… here.”

Leia hums and raised her eyebrows, looking back and forth between them. “And I’m to assume this Force bond is the reason we haven’t been obliterated?”

At this Kylo shakes his head. “I have no idea where you are, and I won’t ask because I don’t care. Hux obviously does, but he’ll be gone this time next week if not sooner, and since he can do nothing with his army without clearing it with me, well….” he shrugs then looked back at Rey, unable to fight the smile that lights up his eyes. “You really do look like an Empress.”

The bond ended at that and Rey looks at Leia whose face is giving off such a multitude of emotions all at once, Rey fears she may faint. Instead, she barely has time to brace herself before she’s being pulled into a tight hug and feeling hot tears hit her bare shoulder. “That was the first time I’ve seen him smile since the day before we gave him over to Luke.” 

Rey takes Leia’s blessing for what it is and finally lets herself cry.

A few hours and more than a few tears later and Rey is all but crawling back to her quarters with how slow she’s walking, dress draped over her arm, jewelry box in hand, exhausted by the emotional afternoon. She and Leia had cried for a time then had another cup of tea while Leia told stories of Ben’s childhood. It was nice, but now she just wanted her bed. Gently kicking her door open, she took one step inside and froze. Rose was staring down at Rey’s desk, a look of intense confusion on her face and the holonet up on Rey’s workpad.

“Rose? What is it?” Rey asks, quickly setting her items down on the bed and facing her friend.

“Rey… what is this? Why are you researching the dark side?” Rey gulps and attempts to respond without stuttering so it won’t look like she’s lying. “Well, there are two sides of the Force which to me, means two sides of the story. If you only research one side, you’re not getting the full story and that’s where ignorance comes into play. I know I’m the “last Jedi, glowing beacon of the Resistance”, Rey lowers her voice to sound like Poe for that last sentence, then scoffs. “At least that’s what everyone thinks, but to be perfectly honest I’m no Jedi. I’m just a Force user.”

The confusion on Rose’s face eased quickly like she suddenly understood. “Oh, I see! You’re trying to get into Kylo Ren’s head. See how he thinks, so you can defeat him, right? Good plan!”

Rey resists the urge to roll her eyes and laugh; ignorance indeed. “Something like that” she says, forcing a smile while turning around to grab her dress and hang it up.

“Stars, that’s gorgeous! Where’d you get it?!” Rose asked, awe evident in her voice. Rey didn’t need to turn around to see what Rose is referring to.

Rey runs her hand lovingly down the silky fabric and smiled. “Leia gave it to me as a gift along with some matching jewelry. It needs to be tailored a little, but she said it was an easy fix. We’re going to get it done soon.”

“That’s so cool! Where are you going to be wearing it to?” Rose asks excitedly.

That made Rey pause. She hadn’t thought to ask where Leia got the dress, why she had it, or even where she was going to be wearing such an extravagant outfit to. “Uh...well…I’m not sure. I never got to ask, I was just put into it and told to keep it. I didn’t ask questions.”

Rose giggles at that, “I don’t blame you. If a princess gave me a pretty dress like that, I wouldn’t question it either.”

Rey smiles and sighs beneath her breath, more than ready to go back to bed. She removes the jacket and hands it back to Rose. “Well now that you’re up I have two things to tell you. One, you were right about Poe and Connix. Two, Finn thought you were mad at him because you didn’t answer your door when he went to check on you before lunch. You may want to go see him for dinner.”

Rose gasps in delight making Rey laugh softly, “Oh my gosh! Okay! Um...thank you for letting me know and letting me crash here today and I have to go get changed before I go see Finn! Thank you, Rey!” Rose says all in one breath before dashing out the door.

The minute the door is shut Rey shakes her head, locks the door using the Force and falls backwards onto her bed. Moments after curling up in the sun, she’s asleep.


End file.
